let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
