Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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