just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
