and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
