i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
