i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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