I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
