I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
