when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How does it feel to date your dad?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
