Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
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Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
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We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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