OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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