he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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