So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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