You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
