PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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