break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
