I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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