He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The beer is more important than you right now.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
