You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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