I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
