wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
