I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
