Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
