Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
