Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
