so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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