Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
