I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
