omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
