dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
