she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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