I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Oh god it's open bar.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
