Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
