Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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