My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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