My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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