Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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