Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
