I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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