we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
