Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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