So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
