Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
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