like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
