sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize