Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
