Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
