I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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