This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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