wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
