i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
