i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
