fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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