I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
