i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
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Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
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Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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