He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
