there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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