found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
