i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
