did you get engaged???
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
