what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think I just sharted jello shots
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