I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
