your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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