Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
