just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
