i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
