I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We have so much sex to catch up on
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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