Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
