she was so not down for the gang bang
she looked like the before picture.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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