Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
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I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
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We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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